Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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