i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
