fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
