a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
