As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
should my penis look like a turkey
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
