I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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