I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
