I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
