Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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