the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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