I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
