hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
