Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
