do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
