lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
