Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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