I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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