I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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