How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
