A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
