I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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