My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
