I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
