I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
