Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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