i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
