I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
