mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
