why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
