you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
