she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
