you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
