just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
