I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
