You work out of a Hotel?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
