I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
