Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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