my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
