some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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