College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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