o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
