very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
