I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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