So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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