he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
