i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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