my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
