Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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