Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
