I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
