So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Shame is for Republicans.
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