I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
