So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
