Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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