Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
