I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
