Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
