He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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