i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
