i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He passed out mid-signature
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
