she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
